Friday, April 30

a big jump in my running time in 2.4
so happie sia =)z
tml is kayaking day.. hope it'll be fun.. i'm all alone again..
sigh*

-+=hug me tight-+= 10:38 PM

Thursday, April 29

[that thing call "memories"?]

I want to forget the people I've fallen in love with, because in the end they all reject me. When, finally, I get to taste a bit of true love, it just flies away like a swift and agile butterfly, not letting me to hold on. It might've been a good thing, because it prevented me from being hurt a lot more, but the pain still came. It still hurts me today.

I want to forget the mistakes I've made. People say that we learn from our mistakes and we improve ourselves, but I say that when I look back at my mistakes, I just don't want to to anything, because if I don't do anything at all, I won't do anything wrong, anything to upset the people around me who care for me.

I want to forget the bad things I've ever said to or about people. I know that sooner or later, I will regret. I always say something bad of someone, and even though she is bad, I could always just leave her alone, and let her live her own crappy life that she's complaining of everyday. She won't improve if I write about her. It's practically a waste of my time and effort anyway, seeing as she will never read this.

I want to forget the people I've lost, because I always remember them. I tend to forget people I have now, because I just take them for granted; but those people I've lost, are just hard to forget. Whether it is a person I like or hate, I just remember them more clearly than anyone that I see everyday. Their image lives in me.

I want to forget my flaws. If I can ignore the reflection I see in my mirror; the way I treat people who are younger than I; the way I sometimes use people; the lies I've said; the promises I've made but never stuck to... I think I'll be happy then.

-+=hug me tight-+= 8:25 AM

Saturday, April 24

One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.

Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked. "Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly. "How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"

"How much?" He asked again.

Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."

Jesus said, "DONE!"

Then He paid the price.

-+=hug me tight-+= 8:34 PM

Friday, April 23

well here i am.. in this dim light trying to blog this hectic life again..
and then again was supposed to be a darling day with my hippie friends but truly truly
my sister has crushed my mood once again. yes she did it. like usual. no more surprises.
is just getting worse. tell me what am i suppose to do? cant she be some what more benevolent forgiving
and maybe plus more consideration for "me" at least? i cant be bothered with her. sometimes i just feel that my elder sis is beta sometimes not. each with their own qualities that i cant deny. but my 2nd sis is alreadi stepping on my head too many a times. aRggggGGg.... let me scrEam* !

todae is just one of those days wheRe things couldnt be much more confusing and happier and a mixture of those sandy feelings. it started off with strange encounter that wenqi encounter and some more is her bday. "HAPPY BIRTHDAE WENQI!" then as i unable to attend p.e " oh poor me!" wah.. stupid ankle.. anyway think the dm is falling in love with me..wahaha.. cos he is cRazy! can he stop following me appearing at every corner of the sch? i'll be running out of lies soon! *skipped lit tutorial todae cos i cant finish the work given might as well dun go..cant stand e teacher also..as if i care then!* ok
so i went to the wrong place to wait and it scare the hell out of me basically no lights no nothing but just some malay costumes...shiver* okae.. my 38 jie mei x.x was enable to rush down to accompany which later on discover that i was in the wrONG room..then out of desperation.. got to call CS down for help..finally he arrive.. was relieve as if my hero* appear.. but realli to ease my feelings.. i tink i was rather predisturbed and feeling rather awful at that moment ba. but real thanks to him, my pal!

afternoon: celebration with wenqi at tm. eat like pigs. is horrible!!! how could we eat so much? haha..but it was fun realli superb!! i love u all my darlings! laughing and feeding one another..sweeeeeeet like honey, girls laopo qing ai de.. love u all! then we took some neoprints not bad lorhx! quite nice and cute all of us.

anyway i hope qi enjoy this bday with us. and hope our fRIENDship will blossom into a Seed(quoted by xiaoxia NG)..hahahaha

evening: my time well spent with my kelly mei..growing prettier each day hard to catch up with her le.. ^_*
but still so sweeeeet like me larhx.. hahaha.. anyway we went to take neoprints todae lor some not bad la some realli cannot make it la

haha but sooooooo long nvr meet up with her.. so much more to say to her..never ending stories..laughters and anything under the sun. anyway while shopping in bugis street she was being under seduce by this pschyo guy who looks like realli pschyo and i still thot is her friend cos kind of hard to see properly or hear properly from my height. =X so then i quickly helped her cos i also abit scared..the person realli very sicko look and insist on having her no. - aiya who can resist her attractions? lolx... so then is huiting to the rescue.. although i bai ka.. i still grab her and walk away quickly constantly keeping a look out for her- in case anything happen i cant fight la..ppl step on my leg i cry le..haha so finally we managed to escape from the evil clutches. we went to ps to shop shop and bought a nice FILA tee shirt..actualli we do things v fast lorhx cos i cant go home too late or i cant walk properly also. but is still nice to meet up with her since abt how mani mths nvr see her le. then we go eat eat the peanut soup which she treat me..haha.. so sweet* and then i become her maid la.. but "Where got so cute maid?" =X

-+=hug me tight-+= 10:24 PM

Tuesday, April 20

"The money’s gone I don’t know where, and this is come from I don’t know where."--

sun wakes at eight thirty
spooky toilets....................
these chills....
now stop those tales of horror
e truth of it is not
i dont care not a bit
my guardian angel deep in me

surprised call from a surprised soul
truly lights up e day
the panic the helpless i heard....
wish i could b beside ya to hold on to u
but
i'm not realli a phone call away from u
i'm actualli all along with u
mayb i held no physical powers to have
the rightful place there by ur side
to stand by u all right
but my invisible hand is there u know
unless u feel no more of it
the palm on ur heart
for u to know i feel what ur going through...

-+=hug me tight-+= 9:47 PM

Sunday, April 18

i'm jus drifting further n further from human kind
is this. isolation. emptiness.
when i look and look but i see nothing
dive into this pool of darkness
no blossom of flowers nor sunlight days
plants wither and cry
but seeds will still grow if i replant it
but it jus never be the same again

seek upon my sorrows and grieve
nothing could uncover it
lit a light to find that path
but light is dim
path is rocky
believe if when u walk with me
fall and catch hold of us

yes indeed wats friendship to last....
i knew nothing of it
and qns nothing abt it
just a wave of dismiss
even fading further
like memories wavered
i couldnt count on it no more
i'm just so in agony ....
(silence)

i shall end this with a smile
becos u knew nothing of it all
nothing simply nothing
becos my existance is not of any importance
and my vulnerabilty is killing me somemore
i leave it up to fate
when things come to this state
i have no stand in anything
i have no place in anything
when suddenly i knew
i'm just nothin in thee eyes
becos time took everything away
...............................................
so now i knew
wats true wats not
reality is true
illusion is not
becos now the reality is crashing on me hard
breaking me up into cubes
and shattering me into pieces
even tears i shed not worth a feelin
not worth a soul
it wun touch anyones's heart
and i;m not telling or baring it up.....

-+=hug me tight-+= 10:18 PM

Saturday, April 17

arrgg upset like hell
jus step home alreadi 9 plus
jus now i was lost in the dark trying to find my way home
alone again. alone.. very silent... jus myself
it felt like running against time as i stubble my way thru' the dark
finally reached home hurray
but up to my dismay.. my clothes were nowhere to be seen
"muz have left it in the toilet oh fuck!"

this whole bad part of the evening really spoil my day
afternoon was all sun and water
and everyone with their clicks.
sometimes i find it hard to fit in
maybe i shouldnt even try to

i jus love dragon-boating. never will i wanna leave

-+=hug me tight-+= 9:23 PM

Sunday, April 11

hey...~~ i'm too emotional...

"...the past becomes dreamy because its symbols have all vanished, and the present too is dreamy because it is linked with no memories."-- Eliot in chapter 1, describing Silas’s withdrawal from society.

i've finished chapter one reading log.. starting to love this book alreadi
thought was some kind of boring book again.. but actualli is kind of talk about
people ur own trusted kind betrayals...then..rekindle love.. sometimes the power of love
is the only healing power of faith. =)

-+=hug me tight-+= 9:12 PM

my sister...
so much words to describe
so much word to speak
no doubt

if there is an angel who records the sorrows of men as well as their sins,
he knows how many and deep are the sorrows that spring from
false ideas for which no man is culpable

if i leave u as who u are
i will fail u
if i fail to be by ur side
i'm not worthy of u
if i let go of u
i'll be spark of the sins which are unpardon

>sometimes when words are brought upon ur lips
i couldnt face it. though is just a past. which memories are vague to bring it up?
dun qns me with doubt, i dun wish to be this way too.
until i find the ans to my own .. until then..
> sorry is just a word to be mention

-+=hug me tight-+= 6:06 PM

Saturday, April 10

i love seasports!
i love the trainings..when u feel so shag then u take a bath
is so wonderful the feeling =)
even though i;m doing rather badly now..slight improvements
and truly alot pressure. i dun wish to bring the team down too.
yet wyn say also right la.. " u cant be good in everything one.."
ya true! very true.. but still u wanna do the best for it too..
anyway was feeling rather awful abt my sister..
i cant really stand her sometimes... argggg...
i dun know wats going on in her... after all she is my sister
i love going to school yet i hate facing my class..
why all these ppl like this? i dun hate them.
but.. i just..dun know how to communicate with them?
i wish our class would be.. nicer sometimes.
they arent so bad.. but they arent nice too =(
we are after all.. a class...
how i wish......
we could be close somehow..

-+=hug me tight-+= 7:55 PM

Friday, April 9

jus finish my essay for g.p
falling very very sick....le...
taken some medicine..
hoped i'll be fine soon....haiz

-+=hug me tight-+= 6:55 PM

Wednesday, April 7

we are talking abt literature here
and simply i couldnt find any right words to how i'm feeling
maybe there isnt any right feelings at all
memories have become vague or rather it has fade
no amount of words could bring it back
no amount of comfort could take that back
simpleton.
i'm jus getting what i want.
i'm not asking for more.
somehow jus some concern might helps
i'm not upset but i'm feelin horrible
but u just can't change the way people think cant u
but neither could i suit them again.
people who were once there are not there
becos they have other people
i try telling myself is okay is okay - there's always other people
but i do not want any replacement.

no frowning please
a sweet smile
fake innocence

take me back to childhood dreams
the playgrounds, the swings
when i swung high into air
the sky was transpose
the clouds , a moving tide
was jus my wild thoughts
i cried, u'll cry with me
i laughed, u'll laugh with me
never alone.

-+=hug me tight-+= 8:39 AM

Monday, April 5

yox..gotten back from my camp yesterdae went sleeping since 12 to 5.. 5 hrs of deep sleep...yawn yawn ^O^ the camp kind of bored but i just lurve the spirits they've got. the people are niceeee too =)z now that i'm quitting rock climbin then join sea sports le..finally decision* i'm still feeeeling rather tired.. eating the sweets my dear bought for me..not just sweet in my mouth but more sweet in my heart.

黑黑的房間裡看不見你的心
緊緊的抱住你害怕會失去你

心底在歎息該不該忍住呼吸
如果這一刻時間能停在這裡就不會再有分離

>>dear.. u really fill my heart with laughters.. cant really explain anything that is going on in me. is jus me thinking.. not day dreaming* just thinkin of u and laughing to myself - maybe i'm happy that ur always there lookin after me..making me so lazy to bother abt myself..keke.. so that u can take very good care of me =)

甘心替代你 - ekin cheng

不管天邊風已起
只想依依看著你
夜闌人靜會否仍可希冀

經得起憂傷與悲
只因心中有著你
路遙長夜記憶從不捨棄

長街的身影穿過風雨有傲氣
曾一起出走不怕闖進了絕地
如霧如煙　全像遊戲

彷彿天和地在挑選我跟你
如像我亦重遇了生死
難道只好淌淚心痛告別你
無法讓我甘心替代你

hee.. i love it when u sing this song u know =X ..haha...
愛 -ting lub ben

-+=hug me tight-+= 12:10 PM

Friday, April 2

got this from a forward email and i really love it alot..thankx pals buddies friends for making my life so wonderful and colourful..muackx..!

Somewhere between the *procrastination* and the homework..
and the incessant forwards
and the friendships and the calls
to each other complaining about CrUsHeS and
BF/GF!! Somewhere between the phone calls to old
friends and the "I miss you's", the "I love you's" and
the "What are we doing tonight's?" And somewhere
between all of the changing and growing...
somewhere between the classes and the skipping
classes...and the StUdYiNg for teStS...And the
PRETENDING to "StUdY" for TeStS...
And the downright NOT StUdYiNg for TeStS...
I forgot--I forgot what ScHooL was all about.

Somewhere between all the appointments, starbuck coffee,
and Mc Donald's... paying bills and then not paying bills...
Making plans then breaking plans... Appearing, Disappearing,
then reappearing... I forgot--I forgot what it was like to cry.
I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you
happy... And that pretending to
be SmArT doesn't make you smart .. I forgot
that you can't just forget the past in
fear of the FUTURE... I forgot that you
can't control falling in LoVe..
And that you can't make yourself fall in *LoVe*
.... I learned that I can LOVE... I
learned that it's okay to MEsS UP....
And it's okay to ask for HELP!!!.. And it's
okay to feel like crap... I learned it's okay to cOmPLaiN
and wHINe to all your friends for a whole day........
I learned that sometimes the things you want
most you just can't have and the things that
you look for are right in front of you.
I learned that the greatest thing about
HiGh ScHOoL and CoLLeGe and the working world
it isn't about the parties or the
DRiNKiNG or the Hookups ...

It's the *FrIeNdShIpS*, which means taking chances.
I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget
are the things which we most need to talk about...
I learned that TIME and LOVE can heal all things...
I learned that just when you think it can't get worse - it does! ...
but with the love and support of friends - you survive...
I've learned that when you start feeling BaD
about L O S I N G touch and about those that you've lost!
They too, are feeling the same way....

I learned that letters from friends are the
most important things. And that sending cards to your
friends makes you feel better! But, basically, I just learned
that my friends........ Both old and new..... are the most important
people to me in the world AND.......without them, I wouldn't be who
I am today.....

So this is a THANK YOU to all of my friends...
For always being there. And even if we're not on good terms
or we have lost touch... I will always have an unconditional
love for you.. ~Always and forever ~

-+=hug me tight-+= 9:55 PM

fuck the stupid odac camp.. to hell with it. i really really really can't stand it. the people in my class. the odac stupif head. haix. people are horrrrrible. anyway i became the cl a rep..cheers* the teacher like not very good cos the teeth look shaky and i cant understand his strong china accent. =( anyway got into the rock climbing team and todae p.e got selected for the badminton.. hee* i super happie abt it. and i decided to go for the sea sports camp since the fucking liar odac head says no vacancies.! bloody liar...! my ankles still hurrrts.. sobx. i hope it will recover by tonight if not.. i'll suffer at the camp keke.

taken with crazy x.x after school on tue (wear tie day). ^_* look at her prefect look again~~~~~

-+=hug me tight-+= 2:24 PM