Wednesday, March 31

seventeen ( this adolescent age)
my bloody ankle (handy plus again)
walking back n fro in search of the lost thing
frantically, panic, messy.
shirt tuck out , my disconcern
my hair, moisturize grass?(exempt)
sweets, a plenty dozen colours
photos, a crazy smiling bunch with ties
this rectangular boxes filled our precious(junks)
instead of books, it was jus food
people, minding their own business
books, a wordy length
you get physical, the hugs from u
you get concern, you question
you get angry, you tell me abt ur sis
you love those hate those , just like me
you tell me is lunch time and even not hungry, u made me eat.
and all becos of what ur did. made my life complete.

-+=hug me tight-+= 11:42 AM

ok finally got time to blog le. now in school got some free periods so quickly jot some quick thoughts down. now my sch life is starting to get a bit hectic, jus got my time table so mani blanks in between haix. probably is a good way to keep us in sch to do our work. attend a few lectures of the series n sequences and i can't understand it at all. =( but anyway got our new lockes n locks. got our photos all pasted up on it. haha.. my friends a crazy bunch - x.x is jus so crazy n rough haha.. - while qi is so studious yet nice n clever. this 2 people have alreadi sparks up my life in college. though is a long travel each day but i look up to coming to sch never the less. the malay population outnumbered us chinese by abt 60% and kind of hard to get along but x.x insist that they hate us chinese. but look on the positive side, i might actualli brush up on my english by communicating with them. u got to stay with them for two years instead of hating or detest them why dun jus try to like them and get along? wondering how my pals are doing lately, dun tink i'm much of a help and cant even handle my own stuff already. anyway i love literature. did the homework on the gothic passage is really up to what u wanna say or write or think which is jus wat i like. not much of a restriction and freedom use of creativity n thoughts - which made hw sound actualli fun.

-+=hug me tight-+= 11:28 AM

Sunday, March 28

is me..is me ..to blog.. i felt mentally tiring. been doing maths on fri,sat and even todae. having all those maths sum twirling about in my mind. fri was kind of fun. pouring rain, frightening lightnings haha shivering hugging my dear friend munirah then finally we this 2 sotongs reached downtown east opps we went the wrong ways..then run thru the park then found the place. strangers. some farmiliar places. nice food. toasted marshmellows. cute couples. friendly smiles. he was still in my mind. then... okay nothing much but anyway i did enjoy the "griffin" bbq. and he came n fetch me. then i forgot my notes and rush back again. it was rather late. dun feel like lookin at him angry. not really. sick of it alreadi. abt a week of miscommunication. should put this to an end then is happily happily going. =)z anyway todae was studying at cp tryin to teach nessa n jo but then i got abit confused myself and she really is noisy =X haha.. disrupt my concentration.felt like strangling her sometimes. lolx. but then is hard for us to meet up too..which is sad.. and em' so far from them. ya..askin whether we will drift apart after some time a week or two. really this is un-avoidable. maybe i cant make much time for u people but then really i wun change much. still missing u all but i do wanna spend more time with ur.

chocolates
is my sins i see upon it
my mind thinks of it
my heart craves for it
is an addiction
like a drug/caffefine
it bites ur skin
u itch for it
it melts in your mouth
the taste of it
left this memory
u jus need it more and more
it never stops

like love, i crave for it more. isnt it passion? no. not of that.
i miss the amount of comfort that u can give. invisiblely touchin my soul
none can ever replace.

-+=hug me tight-+= 6:11 PM

Friday, March 26

i wasnt in the right mind lately. cried in my sleep. cried on the bus. tired. very. i have nothing to say to him. i dont feel like talking. no words. is not becos he's not in my heart. it is precisely he is in my heart if i could open my mouth to talk, i believe could no longer hold those tears back n back again. the more i cried the more tired i am. drowning myself in those salty water. is jus another break since 11.15 a.m waiting for my pals to come charging down after some lectures. do miss them every sec. need them. in the library tried to do those maths sums yet i dun know wat a fuck is it??? got worried yet cant do anything abt it got to wait for munirah to teach me. wierd- a j2 guy came chatting with me, thought he was a librarian.cos i tot he say cannot take the book mux put back or something didnt hear properly -me kind of blur =X feeling awkward* feel like eating some ice cream.. to cool me down. messages and messages i saw from him last night and this morning, each time was some harsh words i've sent out and yet he was salvaging this relationship trying to stop these quarells. i feel like stopping too. but i couldnt speak. why. anger? those isolation i felt- jus feel like being alone - couldnt face him - i;m tired of this too. these emotions are eating me up from the inside then i'll be just an empty shell..nothing inside. a walking corpse. wats love to torment me? close my eyes and let me be peacefully quiet. muz it be i need you or the time? i "need"... is such a selfish word.

-+=hug me tight-+= 12:31 PM

Thursday, March 25

i'm dying.. five topics to catch up.. i need help desperately. got a maths test todae and my mind was blank..wat the.. and i was very worried abt transformation cos i always afraid to face some topics of maths but this time different need to conqueer everything i dun want to be half past six neither do i want to be lagging behind. tml got to study from one to five then six is my gRiffin bbq. sat lookin for my dear cousin to help me with it. and next week probably someone else to help help help me before they're gonna start on chap 6. there's no time to waste. the maths c i started flipping thru dozen of books and hell i dun know wat is it about... then i've got to figure it out my wayz. sitting behind me those people like what? huh? dun know anything say where are the notes..and the teachers jus cant be bother to help us with a new set of it jus..ask from those who attend the first 3 mths? but luckily i was clever enough to go to printing shop to ask then to believe her words- how could teachers be so blur? it a long ride home each day but sometimes i got used to the journey back home, it doesnt seems so long anymore it seems jus sitting on the bus and thinkin abt wat i should do. anyway i'm glad i have soem nice friends now. thankx munirah - ur a great pal, thanks peiyu- you make me smile, thanks yun-for being there..thanks nessa-for askin me out though i can't make it =)z thanks kelly-for askin me though i'm busy Really*

-+=hug me tight-+= 9:01 PM

Wednesday, March 24

i started reading this book again, strongly recommend u guys to read this book..is really a wonderful book i love it i love the movie and everything of it. kind of forgotten half of the story. this part shows Helena was in love with Demetrius but he is deeply in love with Hermia.
A midsummer Night's dream-shakespeare
quoted::how happy some o'er other some can be!
through Athens i am thought as fair as she
but what of that? demetrius thinks not so
he will not know what all but he do knows
and as he errs, doting on Hermia's eyes
so i, admiring of his qualities
things base and vile, holding no quantity
love can transpose to form and dignity
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind
and therefor is winged cupid painted blind
nor hath love's mind of any judgement taste;
Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste
And therefore is Love said to be a child

Helena:: O,teach me how you look and with what art
you sway the motion of demetrius heart
Hermia:: i frown upon him yet he loves me still
Helena::O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!
Hermia:: i gave him curses, yet he gives me love
Helena:: O that my prayers could such affection move!
Hermia:: The more i hate, the more he follows me
Helena:: The more i love, the more he hateth me.
Hermia:: his folly, Helena, is no fault of mine
Helena:: none but your beauty. would that fault were mine!

-+=hug me tight-+= 8:37 PM

Tuesday, March 23

i'm in sch now. nothin much jus ran away from the water-games-yesterdae was running away from everything. bored like hell simply the gates were being guarded-terrible- no escape. i hate the orientation here. no organise system everything anyhow do. i cant blame much since is handle by the jc ones. the standard i do not want to criticise or compare but i do miss SR days when the people are kind though most of them are not, where our spirits and bonds are close is great lorhx. nvm. sch'll be starting on thurs finally i've made up my mind to choose literature , chinese A and maths c. i do not doubt my own ability to handle these subjects - i promise promise promise myself i will work very very hard on it.. i know this orientation sucks and one more day to go and i'll be out of it and be joined into a new class new environment and new friends. i have great friends here, happening pals nicely bunch though we all share same thoughts that we hate it here right now but we stand firmly that we have one another and we are here to study, anywhere would be the same. i do miss u all guys -nessa and jo. miss u all jus joking around pulling me around and err beating me up =X haha. . . no larhx.. still love u all alot miss u all alot.. see so mushy already. i hope u all are doing well over at **make new friends and having loads of fun =)z i wish lessons would start soon mid yr examz coming.. why so slack, to hell with the cheers u've taught is all bull shit gave nothing of encouragement. stop with the hack of all those so called names u sabotage one another.where's peace? where's love? where's knowing each other thru deeper depths? where's those team spirits. they are nowhere here.i'm in this library wearing this head-phone with the music blasting in my eyes. people moving around are like pictures yet me and them are jus seperated into two different worlds. can we eva blend in? if someday i'm in some kind of trouble, who would be the first to reach out a hand for me to hold on too and pull me up? is it u my dear friend? or would u let go cos' i'm jus a burden to u? i will hold on i will climb up but a little bit of strength from u kept me going on and on foreva. but maybe i'll have no one but i'll still continue with it on the rocky edge becos the one who thrive on to the end would be the one standing high up lookin down at the others. i want to be the one on top... "as we go on, i wish some friends would stay in my life becos u are those that make this wonderful journey of life worthwhile.."

Aphrodite/Eros

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

-+=hug me tight-+= 1:43 PM

Sunday, March 21

i cant sleep i just cant.. nervous? slept for four hours tis afternoon.. coffee again? haix.. been eating so much these days each time i get nervous got these symptons again ::overeating ::icecream madness ::dozens cups of coffee ::chocolates
It's true that when you want something, it never comes; and when you don't want it, it keeps pushing, and trying to get into you. someday when i wanted some attention from a particular someone, the person will just ignore avoid as if i'm some kind of pest. then u turn ur back on them throw some hurtful remarks over confidently struttle off and walk out off their life- they chase after u like mad.Sometimes it feels like I'm holding the world up on my shoulders. Not just my world, but other peoples as well. And if I let go, I'm going to be ruining hundreds of lives, and not just my own. I could cope if it was just mine. I've done that often enough. But shit, by hurting myself, I feel like I would be giving everyone else the finger, and telling them I don't care about them anymore.. i tried giving up once and it collaspe sometimes is better to let go things for once then maybe u'll realise is no big deal, life jus carries on and people will get over it sooner or later but scars will just be there forever.

-+=hug me tight-+= 11:07 PM

Saturday, March 20

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

-+=hug me tight-+= 5:20 PM

jus step home, another trip to spca. loving all the doggie caties there.. their eyes shone with tears, hoping that they could send some telepathy msg to the people out lookin at them "take me home please" a loving look hoping someone would jus give them a hug a warm place to stay look after them like their own babies. i saw one of them with red patches over it, looks like my dog "ger ger", some people walk pass and over heard them mentioning - "so ugly the dog looks like some kind of disease who will want her?" ... i was quiet. then came this volunteer worker putting on a leash on the so-called disease looking dog then it was adopted. a sense of triumphant i felt. "some people do have a heart u know" muz it be those pure breeded dogs? does dogs have to be divded to high class low class? reminded me of one time when my dog was put to sleep of genetic skin disease, i was unable to calm down for quite some time and was very sensitive abt dog issue. no one could feel wat i'm going thru. is pure pain and agony to see it lying on the metal bed panting with white foaming gushing out of the mouth. i could feel the death befallings on him. i wonder how people could ever put their own babies to death - abortion- or either some poor souls could never survive - premature babies in incubator- this child is a mother's gift, a creation of love when 2 become 1. maybe life is truly unfair in certain ways but we fear to question it. we blame it on god,why bring sufferings to this world? why? all these are not man-made. but then i guess everything must have a reason for it to be this way. maybe some day when we see the light. we'll know the truth.

pure

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

-+=hug me tight-+= 4:57 PM

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hahahha.. got see this my dear? i'm Perfect =P jus kidding.. quite nice huh the pic? bleahx.. hahahhaha
u know i'm jus missing u tiny weeny " bit" right now

-+=hug me tight-+= 2:35 PM

Thursday, March 18

dinner alone. tv's my best company. diamonds-a girl's best friend. chocolates -a sinner. afternoon meeting up with tidus, nothing much though, cute mashimaro - name engraved on the bracelet- arigato! rushing to meet my dear princess nessa, mp3 - maroon5 - this love-great song. travelling down town, usual shops usual roads. ice cream..eee.. milky lips-opps, people are looking! haha. hmm..no money? window shopping, ur taste is soooo... "You" no, not that , no.. haha..wats ur problem anyway? neoprints-aint we rich? photogenic? posing like a super s t a r, ballerina. way back home, 2 fucked up bitch or pigs -_-" in the same container breathing the same air, and they respiration, carbon dioxide! i' admit i'm fat- fatter- can we stop lookin into the mirror? afraid, it might break.anyway doesnt matter. feeling SupErb- 10 people -10 smiles - 10 appreciations

-+=hug me tight-+= 8:05 PM

I feel sorrowful, and afraid, and I don't know why. Where do these feelings come from, as if out of nowhere, attached to nothing? 30mins gone by..what am i doing? thinkin of him.. again. messages..blinking on my screen..barely feel like seeing it. click on the button "show", "going back to sleep..".. guess he must have felt very tired.. i'm tired too though i seems to be sleeping most of the time but i'm exhausted without a reason. i feel that i need him alot, should i tell him? i dun know. he's busy. i'm not blaming for the time he cant provide for me a hug that last forever a shoulder to lean in times when i felt like crying. he does always appear in my thoughts , my dreams, my life. forgive me when i ignore ur msg or when my replies are short, i'm typing now deep in my thoughts. thinking deeply of u. it doesnt seems necessary for me to msg too many sometimes becos i felt more and more like i'm talking to myself, am i distracting u? i'll start to get paranoid. my head hurts so does my heart. when i reply u as if toneless and so does u need not question furthur. I think it's to the point now where my emotional and mental stress are causing physical strain as well. i'm going out later i hope i can relax and not think too much again. u need to work. i need to survive. i need u. too much. i'm kind of sad ? why? negative thinkin>>
i'm alright actually.I just want to trust. I want to trust like I've never been hurt before. I want to believe in someone, and have them believe in me. I want to jump in, eyes closed - and not look back, nor regret doing it that way. I need to feel the satisfaction of being able to lean on someone, and being leaned on.

-+=hug me tight-+= 9:38 AM

People like you becuase you're a sweetheart!

What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha..i did this the 2nd time and got a different effect. the first one was "smart" but then again i like the picture of the 2nd one "sweetheart" ^_* wow..is early morning. jus pass nine, eyes barely could open. yawn
waiting for his call. waiting for her call. waiting to call someone.
anyway was watching the channel 8 nine p.m show..it always gets me so uptight so upset abt the show. it seems to capture all the dark side of people showing karma, divine retribution. how could a fucking mother teach the son "ur father is sick..he is a burden.." imagine it urself u thought in ur life u found someone who is willing to walk thru the hardships the good life with u, u thought u can share not just ur happiness but of cos the sorrows and difficult times but unfortunately the one who walk out on you is your own partner. isnt life crude?
anime chick

You are a human shadow. If a loved one needs you,
you are always right at his or her heels! Your
deep social connection with human beings
produces your qualities of genuine caring and
charisma. However, at times you are naive to
the true nature of your loved ones. Remember
that humans' gift of free will does not always
lead them in wise directions. But your essence
of love and friendship represent the other
precious gifts of humanity. Overall you are a
strikingly valuable and innocent being who has
a lot to give.

do u really know ur the other half? or everything is unpredictable? we have our selfish side, we tend to posses things that we longed for, we look out for ourselves but only when we discard this feelings and we learnt to sacrifices to protect thats when we see the light of love.

-+=hug me tight-+= 9:07 AM

Wednesday, March 17

life is a film. u watch it before. now is happening. jus like the movies. people cry becos they saw wat is happening around them. this is reality, not jus a film. u cry becos ur one of them. u smile becos u saw ur own reflection. u saw ur own image being potray in a moving world right before ur eyes. it displays the colours of the world, our world is always the black the white the grey,sometimes motionless whereas everything moves beyond us slips thru our fingertips. i believes there's heaven i believes there's hell, i believes there's someone up there watching over us. we are afraid sometimes, why? we question. we are afraid of sins. doesnt everything anything might be a sin? u drew a picture on a piece of blank sheet, is ugly so u threw it away - u kill the trees , is that a sin? we can never escape. we got to accept? no running away. sometimes i dun believe wat i saw in the mirror. is it me? wheneva i ask tis- guess i must be feeling guilty, upset, where the ground beneaths me is no longer firm and hard for me to stand. is opening up any time i might fall into tis illusion - i spellbound to vainity at times.speculate people. back to solitary. the white symbolics the chaste, the elegance, the pure, the virtuous and the innocent. a castastrophe befalls, chaoticness..madness.. people going crazy.tears are no longer of grievance's but of hatred, fury. we shall blame no one when misfortune befalls upon us, we shall not question the imposibility to produce answer. the answers we could attain is just from the heart.

i'm bored tats why i'm writing here right now again todae.. hours of tv..computer..busrides...travelling gets me aweary. i love my mother -she's funny- hugging her was jus pure comfort. hot coffee. warm at heart, sweeten lips. is late. she's not home yet. panicky? annoyed at her walking speed. she's walking too fast. we are stopping at the wrong stop again, arent mother and daughter alike? but i still love her. two more trips to the hospital next week next week. i'm sick of it..really sick of it. same pills same med same things put into the mouth and i feel like puking it.

shopping list::
:shoes white, shoes laces
:pencil lead
:highlighter
:uniform
:books
:hair bands

i'm irritated by her tone. her bossy-ness is getting on my nerves. she doesn't keep up to her promises. sister... please.. my tolerance level is up. u find it dirty, clean it- dun ask me to. u find it messy, tidy it-dun shout at me. u find things missing- wait..i'm returning. ask me for a reason dun accuse. the word is "Ask"
not..... again.. "why?" i wun ans u in the right way. not the right tone.not me again.

ps::pardon me tidus, unable to meet up. late gifts is alright. i'm keeping up with time. sparkle ur self with some fun, loneliness aint the best fren, seeking me for talks is okay but i'm not here always.

-+=hug me tight-+= 8:20 PM

Realizing that the past is done and over with, it's time to move on... Looking forward to see what happens in the upcoming chapter of my life...

finally i've decided with this template after upteenth times of changing it. guess i'm tired yet i'll go for perfection but with the heart but not the ability to. school starting soon..life would be raging against time for me. going for a check up later-prayed hard nothing goes wrong. think i need to create my resolution for 2004. is not too late to start isn't it? better than not starting at all.my goal is to make it on my own and to find my happiness(found). i'm going on a diet. a healthier one, not with those pills n pills. just purely cutting out some junk foods.

please don't think me selfish
the loss of your attention
marks the loss of all that's safe and warm
the voice of reason is yours
and without it, sanity slips away

please don't take me for face value
this plastic skin i hide behind
serves only to deceive
i will sing you my strengths
but you can't see the tears that fall
behind these once rose-colored glasses

it's not my intent to need you
but the floor has dropped from 'neath my feet
and my instinct was to grasp your hand
i will try not to squeeze so hard
as to make you feel the pain i personify
just please, don't let me fall
the last thing that i need right now
is to be left alone

-+=hug me tight-+= 11:43 AM

Friday, March 12

Like from child hood fantasies, we can still lose ourselves in the stars. What do you wish for when you wish upon a star?People used to say that when you die, and led a good life, you'd become a bright star in the velvety night sky.
A lot of things have died, not only people.
The friendship, love, and care I once had died a lot of times. The sky is almost filled up with those cluttered stars because of these forever-dying emotions.
My cursed one... a spell seemed to have been casted over you, and now, your love for me has flown up to the sky, becoming one of those dead feelings, emotions.
To all of my lost friends, if you ever think of me, and the friendship we once had, try to spot our dead friendship burning in the sky. Maybe we could reach for it... maybe it can be alive again...
Or maybe it'd just stay in the sky, stuck, and we can ever pluck them down;
Ever again.
I guess what I wish for is to pluck those stars down, and recollect all those lost emotions

-+=hug me tight-+= 8:53 PM

Thursday, March 11

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth, and breadth, and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for right:
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life - and if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

-+=hug me tight-+= 11:16 PM